Lovers

Although she's had many, many lovers 

She still searches for someone that could love her

.. That can handle all of her

Just like she handled all of her lovers 

She runs deep like the ocean 

Her vices, she cant control them 

And if you asked her what her name is

She'd have to pause for a moment 

She's been crucified 

But survived 

It's her skin that run her life 

She's never been satisfied 

But you ask her who she is, 

She wont tell you a lie 

She's a woman that knows she had a chance 

A chance to change her ways 

But she let her mind keep her the same 

Many men have passed her way 

She can feel them

But can't say their names

And I don't think she really cares

All the burdens that she bares

All those violent, crushing stares 

All those things she has to hear.. 

If one man had only loved her

She would only have one lover 

All she wanted was some one to love her 

So she passes on, lover to lover 

MONAAYY Poem

I can’t lie... I must confess...

Everyday I wish that I was filthy rich. 

It makes mad when I wake up

And there’s no maid bringing my cup. 

My detergent cost 2 dollars

And I guess it cleans...

But I want Tide to make it squeak! 

My shoes break and then that’s that...

But I want boots that warm and strap! 

I leaned to do my hair by hand

And lift heavy things with my manly pants 
Yes we do things the HARD way
I cant wait 'till money works for me!

My life’s at risk cuz I can’t afford 

24/7 body guards

I dream of Maybach's and Bentley coops 

While I ride in your Honda with you 

I can’t help but to imagine duck and escargot 

As we chow down on good ol' McDonalds. 

Ohh what a life I dream to live 

I see it now on The Rich and Famous

Indoor pools and elevators 

Silk stockings and authentic furs

Plastic surgery and private jets

Chihuahuas and 800 count thread

But that would be confusing, wouldn’t it?

I think I like my life and where I’m at 

bc I know the names of all my friends 

and can keep track of every dollar spent. 

Yes I enjoy my simple life 

And besides I need something to dream about at night!

Love Potion

Wiccans, Witches, Warlock, Wizards repeated it to me

"I can give you what you wish for, but you have to pay"

Money will only buy an ingredient or two

"But what can you do for me, if I do this for you?"

I wrote it on a piece of paper. I could not bare to say

They laughed and threw it on the floor as they turned to me

"Your soul is for the gods, in that realm we do not dwell

We would like the next best thing that keeps your soul from hell"

Blood. So divine and precious to almost every source

"Blood is your payment, my friend, if you want this to work"

I tore my clothes off and stated, "Anywhere you'd like!"

Drip my blood from anywhere 'cause I need this tonight!

Weak, I pulled myself off the floor to watch them work

A pinch of this, a dab of that, suddenly they smirked...

A vile of the finest medicine known to man

I can’t wait to dose you up with some of my love potion

I imagined you.....

Look at you

Puppy dog eyes and extra kisses

Shakespearian poems and silly giggles

Looks of admiration. Yes! You feel it too!

You love me just the way I like

Well, you do love me don’t you?

I looked at the potion that fit in my hand

I’ve been dreaming of this forever and it’s my only chance

I want you to love me, is that too much to ask?

I’d give even my soul for you, don’t you understand?

I poured the whole bottle into your cup

No need for trial runs

I can handle all your love
lets see what this special potion does 

This obsession is killing me and I can’t wait

Tonight will be the night, my love, that you reciprocate!

Down, down, down his throat is goes

His eyes sparkle and the wind blows

To his feet my bewitched lover rose

He exclaimed only his love for me,

And how he's always known

Though it’s not real, I do not care

I do not feel alone anymore

I feel loneliness shared

I cheated love like it cheated me

I entrapped it and gave it free

To someone who I loved but didn’t love me

Tell me how does it feel

To give of yourself against your own will?

Perverted

They stay asking why I keep on giving up

So I just look down at the empty in my cup

You got everything that you need and the people too

And I keep on asking God why don’t he just make me you?

I keep getting here

But there are no tears

Nothing can make me cry anymore

I touched the ocean floor and it just kept on sinking

So I decided to fall there until I reached something

Now half my life’s almost gone

I aint got nothing to account for but my wrongs

I breathe air and feel like I’m gonna drown

And when I look up all I see is the ground

Now, I’ve shed my blood, sweat and time

And to this day I don’t even have a dime

So one has to ask themselves, “What’s living”

‘Cause I’m only one step away from tripping

Even if I make something of myself

Would I be as happy as everyone else?

Or is it just a show that y’all put on

‘Cause I would like to know where’s the casting call

I’ve been desperate in my attempts to reach God

Stay crying out... Why don’t you hear me Lord?

But ever since one day I’ve been accountable for all my sins

And I thought there was protection over ignorance

I fold one piece of clothing at a time

And just like that the years don’t even stop to say Hi

So I ask Him could he finally just take my life

‘Cause I’m not going down for suicide

If your saying, “Wow”, please know that I was grateful

But everybody has their last straw  until they craw

California where the sun don’t shine

Whoever said it don’t rain in Cali, Lied

‘cause it won’t stop raining on my parade

So I gave up hopin’ for a brighter day

And when you feel like you’re doing it, you’re not

Tomorrow comes and hour by hour YOUR dreams are stopped

You keep reaching up just for somebody to let you drop

And then you find there is no bottom stop

Why wasn’t it me born happy?

Why was I granted so many difficulties?

They’re so minute but they’re their own little army

And they keep killing every single opportunity

So I smoke and I drink and I think and I contemplate

And I hope and I pray that these flaws will just run away

And I’m down, down so, so low

And I’d rather not forgive and let go

Maybe misery is just my calling

I’m so comfortable now it’s fun not smiling  

-Janae (written 6/28/09)

Cologne Man

Dear Diary,

My thoughts may come out slow

But I want to let you know

That I fell in love today

It was only with his face

And the taste of his cologne

But I learned something’s about him

From the fragrance in my nose

He’s and honest man.

And from the spice

It was clear that he cared about the simple things in life

I got close enough to touch him

He had just the right amount on

Evidently he cares about first impressions

But doesn’t come off too strong

He’s a gentle man with a clear conscience

About the person he’s become

And he’d rather let a person speak

Before he asks what’s wrong

He’s easy going and not a cheap man either

I could tell that if he has a girl

He’d really like to please her

And from the way he dressed

To the look shone from his eyes

It’s apparent he’s a caring man

Filled with love in his life time

I hope one day I meet him

And he tells me his full name

But I’ll remember his scent meanwhile

Until we meet again.

With much affection and a flaming heart of desire,

Janae

I've Been

I’ve been

Drinking more than I’ve been singing

Blogging more than I’ve been thinking

Mad because I am not gifted 

Stupid 

I’ve been 

Crying because I realized I’m 

Dying, I won’t get two chances 

Trying

So I give up lying 

Here’s where I stand

I’m over compensating for

An illusion I won’t be more

I look at the stars and say 

That could be me

One day 

One day

I’ve been 

Lying down more than I’m trying 

Picking fights more than I’m writing

Plotting how to get you to believe

This star in me

I’ve been 

Spying on all who threaten

Those who sing better than I can 

Id lay down my life for my dream and 

I’m frightened

I’m over compensating for

An illusion I won’t be more

I look at the stars and say 

That could be me

One day 

One day